How do you handle death?

[Chicken Duck]

My thoughts are with you at this sad time. I've had quite a few close relatives pass away. I know what your going through my Dads had a severe stroke and is a virtual cabbage,i lost my brother age 40 just a few years ago. Your friends and family will get you through it all. As each day passes it will get easier. You will be left with happy memories soon. I know it's always been said but it's so true "time is a great healer"

[JamesG01]

Ian,
Our deepest condolences to you and yours. Very sorry to hear of your loss.

Regards,
James

[discodays]

Deepest sympathy to you and your family at this time, what i and others can say on this forum may only be of some small comfort but there are many of us out here who have never met up with you as yet, but feel your loss none the less, as through your postings (and vast help) here and other sites we feel some how connected.
Myself i feel talking helps, be it online or not. You are not alone with the mates that you have here.

[Devonchilliman]

Discodays ....

Well said,couldn't have put it better myself

[Stu]

I was thinking about this again this morning and I thought that one way of dealing with the pain of death is to disown everyone: family, friends and colleagues etc. Then you would never lose anyone you care about and therefore avoid the pain. However it strikes me that this would be a terrible existence and that our lives our fulfilled by the rich interaction we have with family and friends etc. So as has been said before, albeit in a different context, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Try to remember all the great times and be grateful for them. Try and cherish the good times still to come with those around you.

[Bodsy]

Well, it's been a few days now.....

Thank you Alex, for your post on behalf of GavLar
And for you all for your continued support in so many ways.

Monday was a good day, It was the first day I'd been with everyone at my mum's ( even got to get used to just saying Mum's & not Mum & Dad's). Instead of being a sombre day, it was actually quite funny. We all have our own ways, but with a family the size of mine, it's difficult to get everyone together without a bit of banter.
Stories that even mum didn't know about stuff that we'd done as kids that Dad didn't know about and of course the stories of times when he DID find out LOL.

Mum's been doing her usual of trying to run around after everyone else, but with all of us trying to run round after her. It's a bit like a scene from Benny Hill (but without the short skirts!).

Death certificate was sorted yesterday (multiple copies of!). Got the Funeral directors to do tomorrow morning......

I'm up & down at various times, but I have to say that the experiences that you have so kindly shared with me are helping.
I truely am amazed at how many of you have gone through a similar experience, shared here or directly to me. Thank you all my friends.

[xtc]

( even got to get used to just saying Mum's & not Mum & Dad's).

You will call it M&D's for some time, and nothing wrong with that. I still have my parents mobile numbers in my phone after 4 years for Mum & last year for my Dad. Just cannot bring myself to delete them. And there's nothing wrong with that either! (Be a bit scary if they ever came up on caller ID.. ).

[Bodsy]

Been at my Mums for the last two days.
Mums being really strong, but the first bunch of flowers came today. THats when it hits home again....
My Mum really loved my Dad.....
Can't type anymore.....

[Stu]

I still have my nans number in my phone after 5 years and like Richard I can't bring myself to delete it. I don't know why, but I just can't.

[Bodsy]

Well, last Friday, we cremated my Dad.

In the end, it turned out to be a great day. Weather was OK, plenty of family and friends there.
My three brothers and I, my twin sister and my brother in Law carried the coffin into the crematorium. I did comment on how much weight Dad had put on...

It was a fairly simple service, the local reverend presiding over the occassion. The Eulogy that I had spent endless hours over to get 'just right' was read by myself, one of my sisters and my eldest brother. With so many family members, I tried to get in the most memories covering everyone. Instead of going the route of describing how great a man he was, I went the route of memories that we have of him and how they portray the man he was to us.
The hardest speech I have ever had to write, but the effort was worth it. We all thought it was a fitting and proper Eulogy to my Dad. As others have mentioned previously, once I 'got into it' there were so many great memories, that we had to leave a lot out.

Of course there were a great many tears between us all, but the positive thoughts and memories turned them into happy tears of what we have experienced over the years and of what we have learnt and of what part of Dad remains in who we are today.

Followed by the usual drink & food to catch up with the rely's & celebrate further.
Some of the family celebrated a little too much, but all in good humour and a great way to send Dad off. Believe me, for a family of our size, to have any family gathering without an arguement or falling out is a significant acheivement

So there we have it, Mum is collecting Dad's ashes today and we'll all meet to scatter them tomorrow, on what would have been his 76th Birthday.

As I said last Friday, Goodnight Dad, we'll all miss you......