How do you handle death?

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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by Jason » Tue May 31, 2011 12:57 pm

Thoughts will be with you and your family tomorrow Ian.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by anglefire » Tue May 31, 2011 1:27 pm

Ian, I enjoyed reading your last post - made me think a lot about my family, and the funerals I have been to - mostly grandparents and great-grandparents over over the last few years. Brought back some happy memories funnily enough.

My thoughts will be with you and your family tomorrow.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by Stu » Tue May 31, 2011 2:07 pm

Did the same for me, reminded me of things that got said at my Nan's funeral, particularly about her wearing two skirts to our wedding. No before you ask, she had all her marbles and was pretty switched on, I think she just got a bit carried away on the day!

I think you used the right word - celebration, it should be a celebration of someones life, yes there will be tears etc. but overall it should be a chance to celebrate the fact that you've known them and they have brought something into your life.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by Stu » Tue May 31, 2011 2:11 pm

On the subject of ashes, my brother and sister in law have his Dad's ashes on the fridge, it started out as somewhere to put them until they knew where to scatter them, but it's become a bit of a home and everyone has a chat to them when they go to the fridge. A bit odd, but they seem to quite like it.

I'd like mine scattered on the top of Helvellyn in the Lake District, or failing that just bung me down the bog - it's not like I'll care.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by Bodsy » Tue May 31, 2011 5:52 pm

Thanks all for your continued support in many forms over the last few weeks. I have to say that this thread has helped me tremendously, even at these times which are usually private, I have found it supportive to just be able to share these things that I can't necessarily say face to face.

I've put this on here to share, but if it's too much, I'll remove it...
Names at the front of each bit are for the reader so we know who was reading what!


Eulogy for Dad

Ian
We all wanted to be able to say something today. Something that would be a fitting tribute to Dad. Maybe not always in words, but in gestures of silent appreciation of what we have all lost.
Where to start…..

Andrew
Dad to us, Sam to others, or “me’duck” to Mum, was born in Northampton on 1st June 1935. (That year is important later on when you think about how old he would have been during the coming war….)
One of 16 children, he was no stranger to a lot of noise in the house, perhaps that’s why he had so many of us!
Brought up around Kingsthope, I remember stories he told of how many of them lived in the same house and that we were lucky to only have 3 or 4 in a bedroom!
I can’t tell you that much about his childhood, other than he started smoking by the time he was 7 and was driving tractors by 11.

Theresa
At the age of 18 he enlisted as a regular in the Army. Mainly I think because the pay was about double that of those in National Service! Somehow he managed to end up as a driver (something he seemed to do for a large part of his life) and I recall a story of him driving up a hill overtaking all the other broken down army trucks that had overheated on a hill in Oakhampton, but he of course being a great driver, didn’t overheat or breakdown. He was always a modest man……
After leaving the army, his sister, Margaret Rose introduced him to her friend also called Margaret Rose. A fresh faced young lass who later became Mrs Bodsworth.
Mum and Dad married on May 25th 1960. They celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary together last year.

Andrew
He had a few jobs in his lifetime, A laundry van driver, at a bakery, a bus driver (3 times!) a taxi driver and finally a white van man. I cannot remember a time when he did not have a job.
Dad worked hard, very hard. All his life he would work with one main aim. That was to provide for his family. We didn’t have a lot, but he made sure that we were always fed and had a roof over our head. We always had a Holiday. Every year we went on holiday camping in a Dormobile, then trailer tent followed by a caravan. I always remember them and how much we enjoyed them.
You could almost count on one hand the number of days he had off sick. Dad never had a ‘motto’ but as I once made some business cards up, they included the Honourable letters J.O.A.T.
Jack Of All Trades.
I don’t remember anything that Dad couldn’t turn his hand to. Ok his bricklaying may have been a little wobbly in places when he built the garage with Uncle Pete but it still stands strong today some 35 years later.
Plumbing, wiring, building, mechanics, boat building! All skills which had to be learnt one way or another.
I remember helping him on his cars, pumping the brakes or passing spanners to him.

Ian
He seemed to really enjoy working on his cars. We remember when he had his LandRover, borrowing Terry Wills Engine hoist to help convert it from a petrol to a diesel engine. Of course we all wanted to help, passing spanners, sockets, Tea to him whilst he told us we’d passed the wrong size!
He had it re-sprayed and was advised by a total stranger that he should enter it into the landrover concourse section of a local show. He never did of course, but it was an indication of the work that Dad put in.


Theresa
One of his other great loves in live, was boats. It didn’t really matter what size or type, he just loved boats. Dad set up the film projector in the attic and I remember bringing cushions and some chairs into the attic so that we could watch some of the films. Holidays to Par in Cornwall in the caravan and trips out, but most of all I remember the footage of him on a sailing boat when he sailed around the Isle of Wight. I know that was one of the great experiences that he never forgot.
Always one for technology……ahem.. We had a reel to reel tape recorder and it always seemed to make it out at Christmas to record our jokes or songs. We’re not known as the von trap Bodsworth singers for nothing you know…..
Actually after remembering them some more, we weren’t known as singers at all! But Dad thought we were great!

Andrew
Back to boats…. With Northampton being just about as far from the sea as you can get, Dad had to change tack. With plenty of canals around, he set about completely rebuilding a wooden canal boat. With some ingenious space saving ideas to fit us all in the 18feet length. Sleeping sideways over the rear engine, trying not to think that the canal was only inches away…. He called that Boat Sam’s Folly. It was an indulgence to him and I remember many happy trips in that boat. Ian also remembers falling in from it at Napton Junction to be immediately rescued by fully clothed dad.
He then wanted bigger… So the day arrived when a narrow boat that had been built in Brierley Hill, Birmingham was ready for him to collect. When I say boat… I mean it was a completely empty shell. One Coventry victor engine (with a dodgy clutch), a couple of tonne of bricks as ballast and a journey down to Northampton (that took two weeks!) was required. Steve remembers it as ‘Bloody hard work’ and Dave remembers it as the first time Dad gave him some fags & told him not to burn the place down!


Theresa
This boat was inevitably called Sam’s Folly Two! It was no folly though, it was built of hard work and dedication for us all. Even though we were no von trap’s, we still could be heard singing do re mi along the canals coming home from holidaying on it.
We all spent many weekends over the years where it was moored. Just to relax, fishing or helping Dad working on the boat getting dirty doing one job or another. It was precious time that we were able to spend with Dad.
Dad was a very proud generally private person, but he laughed a lot. Not all the time and not always out loud, but quietly and with a wry smile on his face.
Dad did like a joke with us all. From his grip of death on your knees, to dunking Judith or others of us regularly in the water butt, these were all times we remember. If Judith should come home with a small hole in her tights, that was fair game to make sure they were properly ripped before she went out again. She must have spent a fortune on replacements!


Ian
His pride in us all was an unspoken pride. Christmas Eve 1987 I went to a world jamboree in Australia . 24 hours as my first flight at 16 years old. I had some Jamboree business cards made up as part of the contingent which I gave away to penpals I met whilst over there. Looking for his driving licence in Dad’s wallet last week, we found a couple of these cards he’d kept with him for 24 years…..

Theresa
If you’ve worked out how old Dad would have been during the war, you are quicker than we were……
For years, Dad had explained that the scar on his arm, which looked round, not unlike a wound…. was in fact a Bullet wound, from a shot that he had taken during the war. I know now, that it seems crazy that we should think a 4-10 year old would take a shot during the war, but he was so convincing, we just had to believe him!
Ian only realised it was his TB jab scar last year!

Andrew
There are so many things that Dad will be remembered for and we should celebrate his life and the memories and everything that he gave to us, his family. And to the others that befriended him over the years and found what a true caring soul he really was.
As well as the boats, he had several hobbies over time. CB Radio, where we could boast to have one of the best highest aerials across the whole of Northampton! We all seemed to enjoy that in the corner of the room or in the cold of the LandRover.
More recently Dad collected clocks from Car boot sales. Big ones, small ones, dingers, dongers, chimers on the ¼ ½ ¾ hours. Luckily they were not always set to the same time!
As well as a father, he was also a husband to Mum. When he wasn’t able to work anymore, it is then that the true Sam came out. Maybe it was boredom from not working, but I think most of all it was love. For mum and everything that they had gone through together for us over the years. I know that he really appreciated this especially in his later years.
If there is one thing I regret it is not telling him how much I loved him.
Even towards the end when he was in pain, he still managed to laugh.


Theresa
The plastic Valentines Rose that was presented each year to mum.
Going shopping (well taking Mum to go shopping, but that’s close enough in my book).
I wouldn’t say he was ‘interested’ in cooking, but before he became really poorly, when they were alone he would often come out to help mum prepare or cook dinner for themselves.
Not romantic gestures in the traditional sense, but those that know Dad, know that he loved us all, would do anything for us and that he really loved mum.
As well as all of the words we’ve used before, he would always describe himself particularly to us daughters and later to nieces and granddaughters in the following way…..

What am I?

The answer was always….. Handsome… Intelligent… Debonair… Sophisticated… Dedicated … Good Looking… and of course… Modest. We often continued the description, adding Medicated to his long list of attributes! (Out of earshot of course). But recently he agreed with the medicated part.

Ian
So, this is our Dad, a father, a husband and a good friend, the way we will always remember him. Handsome… Intelligent… Debonair… Sophisticated… Dedicated … Good Looking… and Modest.
For his final journey, I know that he will appreciate my packet of Chocolate digestives.

Goodnight Dad, from us all.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by clement » Tue May 31, 2011 6:23 pm

Very Nicely done to all parties, Well done Ian and Family, once again Sorry for your Loss, your Dad would have been proud of your kind words. :thumbright:


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by anglefire » Tue May 31, 2011 6:37 pm

A lovely tribute to, what is obviously a Great Man. Certainly doesn't need removing as far as I am concerned.

The only question, Ian, is when are you getting a Caravan. :lol:


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by Stu » Tue May 31, 2011 7:01 pm

So caravanning and canal boating - you kept those quiet Mr Bodsworth - not that I blame you.


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by anglefire » Tue May 31, 2011 7:02 pm

Canal boat is just a caravan on water. :whistle:


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Re: How do you handle death?

Post by anglefire » Tue May 31, 2011 7:22 pm

i was thinking a little more about my Great Grandad since reading your Eulogy Ian. I understand he starting smoking Woodbines at about the age of 7 - and gave up smoking when he was about 70, due to angina - but he didn't pass away until he was about 94 - basically old age. Strange how smoking affects people in different ways sometimes.

Mine you, my mothers stepdad was a trucker and I heard stories of him coming home to Bourton-on-the-Water and stopping at the pub at the bottom of Stow Hill. After a few beers, the local police used to have to help him back in his cab, because he couldn't walk :shock:


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