Disco3club

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and… OH… MY GOD!”

Silence followed… complete silence!

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!”

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled…

 “For the luvva Jaysus… you should see the back of mine!”

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it – so I had it.
Then I got him a Carling Black Label, he didn't like it, so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the Brandy I could hardly push the bloody pram home...

Haven’t been on here for many, many months but good to see “jokes” are just as bad.

And greetings from The Land of Aus.

What you doing in Aus? On another round the world trip?

Probs a safe place to be.. havent seen many virus reports from AUS

Clare

There are a few - but social distancing in Aus is probably quite easy

anglefire wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 10, 2020 12:29 pm

What you doing in Aus? On another round the world trip?

Sorry, didn’t check in.

Yes, back end of another 6 months jolly. We’re hopefully flying back on Tuesday to London from Perth. Aus, along with most of our other return options, are rapidly closing down so it’s that flight or stay here. All a bit “interesting”, ie a bit stressful.

Donald Trump is walking along in the White House grounds when suddenly a lone gunman pops up and aims at the President.

The Secret Service Agent is on his first day, doesn't know what to do, then takes a deep breath and shouts: "Mickey Mouse!"

The gunman is startled, panics, and is easily overpowered.

The Secret Service Agent is praised for his quick thinking and brought before the President.

"What made you shout Mickey Mouse?" he is asked.

"I panicked," he replies, "I meant to shout Donald, Duck!"

An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000," he said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said.. On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"