Possible humour.

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Stu
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Re: Possible humour.

Post by Stu » Tue Dec 25, 2018 12:27 am

Oh dear!


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"It's not a gazebo it's an event shelter"

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Re: Possible humour.

Post by Stu » Tue Dec 25, 2018 12:37 am

Paddy Mick and Shamus were the best drinking pals. Every Saturday they’d meet up in O’Learys pub and prop the bar up until the wee small hours.

Unfortunately Mick died rather suddenly. Paddy and Shamus knew that Mick wanted to be buried at sea, so they borrowed a small rowing boat and put Mick in it. They rowed out to sea, and after 5 mins Paddy says to Shamus, “is it deep enough?” So Shamus jumps over the side, but the water only comes up to his waist.

They row out much further so that they are nearly at the lighthouse. Again Shamus hops out but it’s only up to his shoulder.

Once more they row out to deeper water, far beyond the lighthouse. Again Paddy asks if it’s deep enough, and again Shamus jumps in. This time however he disappears. After a minute there is no sign of him and Paddy is a little concerned. After 3 minutes Paddy is really worried. Just as 5 minutes goes by Shamus pops up gasping for air. “Paddy” he says, “it’s definitely deep enough here, pass me the shovel”.


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Tue Dec 25, 2018 7:56 am

I'll give you "oh Dear!" And raise you! :lol:


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Wed Apr 03, 2019 7:47 pm

8C78B861-1F80-4A44-8AD4-B49BAF09711C.jpeg


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:54 am

Mary had a little lamb

The butcher killed it dead

Now mary takes her lamb to school

Between two chunks of bread


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Mon Jul 29, 2019 5:47 am

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet

With knickers all tattered and torn

It was'nt the spider

who sat down beside her

It was little boy blue with a horn.


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:19 pm

A passenger airliner has just landed at Glasgow airport and after coming to a halt, the Pilot does his customary speech, but forgets to switch the intercom off !

The Co-pilot asks the Pilot what he has got planned for the rest of the evening, and the Pilot replies, "First up I am going for a :censored: and then I am gonny bang the a**e aff that new wee stewardess" Unaware every passenger has just heard him !!

The wee stewardess is mortified and starts to run up to the cockpit to confront him, but trips and falls right before the cockpit door. A wee Glasgow wummin helps her up and says, "Take yer time hen, he`s going fur a :censored: first"


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Mon Aug 12, 2019 6:53 pm

⚠️⚠️BREAKING NEWS⚠️⚠️

The VUE cinema in Merthyr has been robbed this afternoon and police are urging witnesses to come forward.
Two gunmen have just escaped with an estimated total of £1750 worth of goods.
It is believed the men made off with 4 hot dogs, 2 medium size Fanta, a family size popcorn and a bag of skittles !


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by CDS » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:06 am

:lol: :lol:


Imagine a world with no hypothetical situations..........

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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:39 pm

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' replies St Peter
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises....
The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down down to hell.
When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.
'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning..

Today you voted.


Mark

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